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 vacations....

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Doreen
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Location : Northern NJ
Join date : 2010-03-31
Age : 51
Posts : 21

PostSubject: vacations....   Tue 27 Apr 2010, 5:15 pm

Does anyone have trouble going on vacation??? I would love to be able to relax, but if I am home, there is always something I must do....
I dream about going on vacation, but I can't bring myself to spend the money on myself...I feel like it is a waste. And if I am able to book the vacation, I don't enjoy it because even if I payed for it all ahead of time, as I go along, I am watching the money go bye-bye....
One good example...not that this was a vacation, but it gives you a good idea of what goes on in my head....a few year ago, someone at my church gave me a christmas card....when I got home and opened it up, the card had a $100 visa card inside and the card said that I needed to leard to treat myself better and that I was to use the card to go get a massage.(we had talked about going but I always said I could not waste money like that, even though I wanted one) I held onto that visa card for over 6 months because I could not bring myself to spend it on a massage. I thought about the clothes I could buy with that for my son or countless other things. I finally forced myself to get the massage because I felt it was wrong to use it for something other than what it was given to me for. During the massage, instead of relaxing and enjoying it, I mentally divided my body into sections and gave each part a money value....arms were $10 each, legs $15 each, back $30, neck $10, neck $10 and as she finished each part, I thought to myself, 'well, THAT $10 is gone' etc.....I got up more stressed than when I went in...and now had a migraine....talk about wasting money!
In the same way, vacations are hard to enjoy....all I focus on is the money I am spending....
Does anyone else have this problem and has anyone found a way to enjoy their vacations when they used to not be able to....??
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brownie
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Join date : 2010-04-04
Age : 28
Posts : 89

PostSubject: Re: vacations....   Sat 01 May 2010, 2:04 pm

Something I have tried (and I've done this with everything, buying clothes, presents, going out for the day, etc) is beforehand determining the max amount of money I am willing/able to spend. Then once I determine that, I put that amount aside, separate from my other money. It is no longer considered "mine" at that point. I stop thinking of myself as having as much as I really do because the set-aside money is out of the picture. My safety is the rule that I have to spend it on what I intended. If I cancel that plan, then the money is entered back into the total.

Although I tend to use this as a guideline, I try to make sure I don't be too rigid because that could just cause even more problems. On a whole I've found this works well for me, but then again, I try not to keep to much money since the more I get the more options there are for ways to spend it, unless I have something particular that I am trying to save up for.
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thea
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Location : The Netherlands
Join date : 2010-12-12
Age : 44
Posts : 9

PostSubject: Re: vacations....   Sun 12 Dec 2010, 8:28 am

Hello Doreen and Sarah,

I'm just new to this forum. I see myself in both situations, but in some way I managed to learn how to spend money and don't care about it. Of course I keep checking prices and always trying to buy the cheapeast I can get. I go on vacations and I do what Sarah wrote - I put an amount aside and this really helps. I do still have problems to enjoy the vacation: all the books, dvd's and games I didn't see, play or read in the last year I just want to fit them all within 10 days of vacation and then it becomes a drama in my head: enjoy the time doing nothing or doing what I am supposed to do on vacation time (reading, watching dvd's, playing, etc)?
We went to a cruise full of facilities and nice things to do and it is ridiculous, I know, but I was going to the gym every day to sport just because I didn't at home. Detail: I have a gym room at home, full of equipments of my husband. It is much more about doing what is right than enjoying the moment.
At some point I get exhausted mentally if I don't do what I planned and I get that empty feeling I waisted all my vacation doing nothing, what I could perfectly do at home...I still think with myself: ok, I'm stupid because I was sporting every morning while being in a wonderful cruise trip..but the little voice in my head says to me: yes, but you did what you had to do.

It's still a fight in my mind...and the worse is that people don't understand I just can't enjoy leasure time because I don't know how it feels enjoying in their way. And to make things worse I have ADHD too, what brings up my chaotic side of OCPD very easily. In other words: my mind becomes a battle field and I just lose and lose it. Actually, Im'still in a phase of seeing the "beauty"of being an OCPD, what is very tricky we all know, I really need to accept and understand that this is a disorder and not the perfect and good way of living.
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