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 Being Patient

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brownie
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PostSubject: Being Patient   Mon 19 Apr 2010, 9:52 am

Hey all,

In order to be patient, it is important to not only appear patient to others, but to be calm inside too, right? In my last therapist session I said how I am very impatient, although I almost always try to hide that I am; inside I am saying, "Come on, we need to go!" or "Hurry up, this is taking too long." He said he would have to think about it more, but to him it seemed like I was being patient but wanted serenty. I just looked 'patience' up on dictionary.com and got these:

1.the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2.an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner.
3.quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience.

So, I guess he is correct...At least now I can try reading up on ways to increase one's serenity rather than one's patience.


I am going to go ahead and post this as an example, although normally I would delete this. I start writing something, usually an email, asking a question, but in the midst of making sure the email is perfect, having just the right amount of information and showing I did enough research to justify my bugging them, I often answer my own question to my satisfaction. This may be good, but I have done it so long that I tend never to share what I've learned with others.
As soon as I know it, I expect others to know it too because I want to move on. If I don't know something, I expect someone else to know it. If others don't know it and I do, I become arrogant (when I should help them to learn it also...I don't think I'd make a good teacher). If I don't know it, and others know it first (assuming we're peers), I get angry at myself.

Do any of you experience this?
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volcano
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PostSubject: Re: Being Patient   Fri 23 Apr 2010, 2:26 am

it's funny, i always used to think i was patient, very patient, but others' experience of me, as they've since revealed, has been quite the opposite. i think my impatience, which is for the most part always in my thoughts moreso than my actions, has more to do with insecurity than much else. for example, if i have a tradesperson in the house either repairing something or installing something, i get very worked up. it's because i don't like seeing my things, or my space (my home) in the hands of some stranger, under their control, where i am reliant on their judgement and their take on what perfection is, i feel as though they will make a mistake or not do it right, and i'll have to pay more money or get them to fix it again. i don't like seeing things taken apart, pulled apart, opened up, it makes me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable until everything is put back, i'm reassured it's fixed, i've paid them and they are out the door, even the sound of their vehicle driving away is gone ...

i first noticed this impatience about 11 years ago, when i moved house, and moved into a newly-built house which still required a few odd-jobs to be finished off after i'd moved in. i distinctly remember the anxiety i felt when someone was installing something - to the point where i used to say over and over inside my head - "i want my life to be 'fully installed'" - in other words, i want my life to be free from this mess, and i want it NOW.
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thea
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PostSubject: Re: Being Patient   Sun 12 Dec 2010, 8:47 am

Hello John and Sarah,

I just can't have it all - patience or serenity. Things to me must happen now and must happen right. It is terrible. I'm very fast in almost all my activities so I expect people will do it in the same speed. I started to notice I was extremely fast because my husband, who is also very fast, started to complain that is not normal the way I do things. I have a planned list on my mind, I know how to do it and then I just do it...fast. This puts my level of patience, serenity and rest at zero. I'm also ADHD, what makes me very busy phisically...and what makes me make terrible mistakes too - ADHD people don't pay attention on details and are extemely impatient too. At the end: I get a terrible feeling that people can't follow my speed and they are all slow moron's, I'm too impacient, restless and full of faults because of the hurry that being ADHD puts on me= imperfect.
This is enough to feed my day being angry, frustated and disappointed. And as a good OCPD, I have to fix all this mess. Any thoughts?
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brownie
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PostSubject: Re: Being Patient   Sun 12 Dec 2010, 5:26 pm

I'm not too familiar with ADHD, although I know a lot of kids get treated for it when they probably shouldn't. One of my friends told me how at her college students will say they think they are ADHD (and it is easy to pass as being so), and then they get the medicine to help them focus extra well for tests.

I know you mentioned elsewhere that you don't exercise much at home, but do you notice that if you do exercise you can focus more after? I noticed that if I went and ran/sprinted on a treadmill for 5 to 10 minutes it really helped me get working afterward.

It got me so frustrated when there was work to do and I was doing much more of the work because I was simply going faster and that they weren't working to their full potential. I've basically reconciled this by knowing that I am doing what I can to help and I can't be held accountable for others. Although, when doing work for others I tend to worry a lot more that my work might not be acceptable enough.
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hismom



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PostSubject: Re: Being Patient   Tue 29 May 2012, 10:43 am

I would like to ask the opposite of these posts...
What if actually being slow is the main symptom? Slow because of re-thinking every decision and step of every action? Making doubly sure that the detail has been taken care of?
We as loved ones need the patience here!
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Yezrel

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PostSubject: Re: Being Patient   Thu 08 Nov 2012, 8:24 am

Hello

I have the same problems with my perfectionism. In this moment I´m relieved to have founded here people with the same diagnosis Anankastic Personality Disorder. Smile

Affectionate regards!
Yezrel
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